Gods Have No One To Pray To
by relaxovision
Summary: Post Trespasser; the revelations about the ancient elves hit Flynn Lavellan hard. Luckily she still has a friend at Skyhold. Mentions of Leliana/f!Surana and Sera/f!Lavellan


**Gods Have No One To Pray To**

Leliana's tower has been as good a home as any place away from home. Logan Surana has her own trials in the west, and Leliana prays between the times they meet, for her Warden to be successful in her search for a cure, for herself to not lose patience, for the world to resist all the corruption thrust upon it, time and time again.

Life has taken so much from her—some of it she sacrificed herself. But there's always enough love to go around. While she prays it spreads from her chest into her abdomen, into her arms until it reaches her fingertips. She's warm, safe, one with the world. When she's with Logan it then pours from her lips onto her lover's skin, into her mouth, and she receives it through their embrace. This love never truly leaves her.

Flynn Lavellan walks almost soundlessly. Leliana's trained ears make out the hunter's steps on the staircase only just so. Today her feet drag a little and when she finally approaches Leliana her shoulders are slummed, her short, dark brown hair seems messier than usual, the rings around her green eyes say she hasn't slept much.

"Inquisitor." she acknowledges her friend, then corrects herself quickly: "Flynn."

Flynn tries a weak smile and sits down opposite of Leliana at her desk.

"I never really got used to the title. Still, now it's strange to let it go."

Leliana eyes Flynn up, tries to read her expression. Normally Flynn's skin glows a healthy bronze. Now it's dull and grey like someone had sucked the life out of her.

"I remember", she tries "You were never fond of the position. In fact, Cassandra and I had long debates about whether you would accept the responsibility at all."

"I remember you ambushed me in front of everyone so I couldn't turn you down." Flynn stares down at her own hand and before Leliana can respond she adds: "I am grateful for the life you have offered me. It turned out well enough. I would never have met Sera."

For a second her smile is genuine, but it fades immediately again.

"It did mean to leave a lot behind, however. Before I was but a hunter living by the rules of the Dalish and their—our—faith the best I knew how."

"Your rejection of the Maker was definitely one of the points Cassandra and I argued about." Leliana offers a light-hearted smile that remains either unnoticed or ignored.

"Sera keeps asking if I'm all right with everything we discovered about the ancient elves", Flynn's jaw is working; her voice sounds strained; her words are quiet.

"I can't say I am... all right, and I am not sure if I will be." She breathes deeply, once, twice. She clears her throat and Leliana thinks she saw her eyes glisten for a moment.

"You used to call me 'Your Worship'. Thedas has looked up to me as the deity I never claimed to be. Andraste's Herald." she sneers.

"Tell me, Leliana, whom do gods pray to?"

Surprised Leliana sits back in her chair. Again Flynn takes away her opportunity to answer:

"I have never made claims to holiness and I'm certainly not making them now. It's difficult, however, that all this fighting about the next world has essentially robbed me off my faith. Everything I revered is gone. Everything _you_ revere has no meaning to me. I cannot make myself believe something I simply do not believe is true."

Now the tears are trickling down her cheeks. Flynn lifts her good arm to wipe them away. Then she takes another breath while Leliana watches calm, waiting, though her chest is clenching. Her love weighs heavier seeing her friend cry.

"Gods have no one to pray to. I think that maybe that is why everyone with too much power goes mad. They stop listening to authorities, real or imaginary."

Flynn shakes her head like she's shaking off a bad dream.

"You've been a good friend, Leliana, and I was wondering if... there's no one left for me to pray to, but I thought that maybe you could pray for me?"

"Pray for you?" Leliana asks. "I'm always praying for you, Flynn."

Flynn smiles at that. A small victory.

"I meant, in my name. I don't believe in your Maker, but you do. I thought that maybe you pray in my stead and that would count as well. I was hoping that perhaps I don't have to believe and it'll still be all right."

She lifts her hand to wipe at her eyes once more, but Leliana reaches out and catches it, holds Flynn's hand in both of hers as she folds them in front of her own chest.

And she closes her eyes.

There's always enough to go around.

"Let the blade pass through the flesh,

Let my blood touch the ground,

Let my cries touch their hearts.

Let mine be the last sacrifice."


End file.
